What Therapy Isn’t
To better understand how therapy might help you, I think it’s important to clarify what therapy is not.
Therapy can be a lot of things, and there can be bit of mystery to it - it truly happens behind closed doors, and we are very, very serious about our confidentiality. And, there’s a lot of wild characterisations of therapists out there. Bad therapists make good TV. Harvey’s therapist in Suits. Ted Lasso’s couples therapist—don’t even get me started. Instead, here’s a look at some common myths and misunderstandings about therapy, to help you approach your journey with an informed perspective.
A little note
I’m talking about therapists broadly, and that can include a few different designations (counsellor, social worker, psychologist, etc), depending on where you live and what’s available. What therapy is and is not can be a little different depending on these designations, but the following list holds true for all of them.
1. Therapy Is Not Just for Severe Mental Illness
Many people believe therapy is only for people struggling with what we deem severe mental illnesses. While therapy can of course be helpful for those experiences, it is also beneficial for those experiencing everyday stress, relationship issues, life transitions, and more. Therapy is a valuable resource for anyone looking to improve their well-being. You can come to therapy purely out of curiosity to know yourself better. You can come to therapy because your life is changing and you’re not sure how you feel about it yet. You can come to therapy because someone else in your life is struggling outwardly and you don’t know how to help them. You can come to therapy for any reason that’s important to you.
2. Therapy Is Not a Replacement for Social Support
Therapy is not a substitute for social connections and relationships! Therapy only complements these other relationships. Building and maintaining a strong support network of friends, family, and community is so crucial for mental well-being. If you’re having difficulty finding or maintaining social connection, therapy can be a great place to explore this, and find some ways to change it.
3. Therapy Is Not Advice-Giving
People ask me for advice a LOT. And I get it, I really do. Sometimes we just want someone to give us an answer, or to tell us what to do next. But no matter how many books I read, no matter how many experiences I have, I can never be an expert in your life the way that you are.
Therapy is a collaborative process where a therapist helps you explore your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Through this exploration, you gain insights and develop strategies that are personally meaningful and effective. The goal is not to receive black-and-white answers but to support you to find your own solutions and make informed decisions. And learning to find your own way through feeling lost is so empowering.
4. Therapy Is Not a Quick Fix or a Magic Cure-All
Therapy is not a magical solution that will instantly resolve all your problems. In reality, therapy is a process that requires time, effort, and commitment. While you may experience relief and insight relatively quickly, meaningful and lasting change usually involves ongoing work and exploration. The way I see it, therapy can truly change your life - but it is a practice, not a fix.
5. Therapy Is Not a Place for Judgment
A common concern about therapy is the fear of being judged by the therapist. But truly, one of the most foundational principles of therapy is creating a non-judgmental, supportive environment where you can openly discuss all of your thoughts and feelings. The therapeutic relationship is built on trust and respect, making it a safe space for self-exploration and growth.
6. Therapy Is Not Always Comfortable
Therapy can sometimes be difficult, uncomfortable, even painful. While therapy aims to provide a supportive and empathetic environment, the process itself can challenge you to face and work through uncomfortable issues. This discomfort is often a part of the growth process and can lead to meaningful progress and healing.
It is so common to feel ‘negatively’ about therapy sometimes - reluctant to go to a session, sad or exhausted afterwards. Just be sure to check in with yourself: am I feeling these things because I am facing and working through some difficult topics, or is my therapist actually acting in ways that make me feel uncomfortable (dismissing or not listening, pushing me to take actions I don’t feel safe doing, etc.)? If the answer is the second, you need to have a conversation with your therapist about your work. If that doesn’t shift anything, it’s time to move on to a new therapist.
7. Therapy Is Not a One-Size-Fits-All Solution
There is no single approach to therapy that works for everyone. That would be very easy, but also very boring. Different therapists use various techniques and modalities, and what works for one person might not work for another. It’s important to find a therapeutic approach and a therapist that align with your needs and preferences. This might involve trying a few different therapists before finding the right fit. It’s so understandable if that feels tiring, or costly, or overwhelming. But in my experience, the climb is worth the view: when you find the right fit, it can be life-changing.
If you’re curious about starting therapy, I welcome you to book a free consult call with me by emailing hello@maevecounselling.com. You can ask any questions you want to in these consults, with no pressure to book a session.