Gratitude vs. Toxic Positivity

Research consistently shows that gratitude can lead to a range of benefits including improved mental and physical health, stronger relationships, and greater resilience.

But in a world that constantly encourages us to "stay positive" and "look on the bright side," it's easy to confuse gratitude with toxic positivity. Both may sound similar on the surface, but they are very different in practice.

Let’s break down the difference.

What Is Gratitude?

Gratitude is the mindful recognition of what’s good in your life, even when things aren’t perfect. It allows space for both joy and struggle. You can feel grateful and still be sad, anxious, or angry.

Gratitude sounds like:

• “This is hard, but I’m thankful I have people who support me.”

• “I didn’t get what I hoped for, but I learned something valuable.”

It’s a grounded, honest appreciation—not a denial of reality.

What Is Toxic Positivity?

Toxic positivity is the overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations. It dismisses real emotional experiences and pressures people to appear ‘positive’ even when they’re struggling.

Toxic positivity sounds like:

• “Just stay positive!”

• “Everything happens for a reason—just move on.”

It often comes from good intentions but ends up invalidating feelings and preventing emotional authenticity.

Why This Distinction Matters - Past Our Individual Experience

True gratitude doesn’t ask us to ignore our struggles; it helps us move through them with perspective and grace. This goes further than our individual experiences.

Toxic positivity about world suffering is the attitude or behaviour of dismissing or minimizing real global pain, injustice, or trauma by insisting on a relentlessly positive or optimistic outlook — often inappropriately or insensitively. It denies or invalidates the very real experiences of those suffering, whether from war, poverty, oppression, environmental collapse, or systemic violence.

Here’s how it might show up in discourse:

Examples of Toxic Positivity in the Context of World Suffering

• "Everything happens for a reason."
  → When said in response to war, genocide, or natural disasters, this trivializes the depth of suffering and suggests a kind of cosmic justification for horrific events.

• "Just focus on the good in the world!"
  → Encourages ignorance of systemic problems like racism, poverty, or human rights abuses in favour of emotional comfort.

• "Things could be worse."
  → While technically true, this phrase shuts down empathy and makes people feel guilty for being affected by suffering.

• "Sending positive vibes to those in crisis!"
  → Often well-meaning, but if it's used instead of meaningful action, it becomes a feel-good cop-out rather than real support.

• "The world is full of love and light — don’t let the news bring you down."
  → Invalidates the pain and danger others are actively living through in favour of individual peace.

Why Toxic Positivity Is Harmful in This Context

• It silences grief and righteous anger.
  Anger and sorrow are often necessary responses to injustice; suppressing them serves the status quo.

• It becomes a tool for apathy.
  If suffering is just part of ‘the plan’ or ‘a lesson’, there’s no need to act or intervene.

• It centres comfort over change.
  Maintaining a ‘positive mindset’ can become more important than acknowledging and addressing the root causes of suffering.

• It dehumanizes the suffering.
  Reducing someone's pain to a spiritual or emotional growth opportunity strips them of their humanity and the reality of their experience.

Healthy Alternatives to Toxic Positivity

• Compassionate realism
  → "This is devastating, and we must not look away. What can we do to help?"

• Empathetic witnessing
  → Allowing space for stories of suffering to be told and truly heard without rushing to offer a silver lining.

• Responsible hope
  → Hope rooted in awareness and action: "We’re in a hard place, but here’s what communities are doing to resist or survive."

• Emotional honesty
  → Admitting, "This is overwhelming. I don’t have answers right now, but I care."

If you’re seeing this kind of positivity in activism spaces, spiritual communities, or online discourse, it’s worth being critical. Positivity isn’t bad — but when it comes at the cost of truth, empathy, and action, it can actually be a form of denial.

How to Practice Gratitude (with Emotional Honesty)

Here are a few ways you might practice cultivating genuine gratitude:

• Name your emotions: Before jumping to ‘gratitude’, take time to sit with how you really feel.

• Practice ‘both/and’ thinking: “I’m grieving, and I’m grateful for the people supporting me.”

• Avoid comparison: You don’t have to minimize your pain by reminding yourself “others have it worse.”

• Be kind to yourself: Gratitude isn’t a cure for pain—it’s a companion to it.

Final Thoughts

Gratitude is powerful—but only when it’s real. It’s about recognizing the good within the difficult.

So next time you’re struggling, don’t force yourself to “just be positive.” Instead, give yourself permission to feel fully—and find gratitude in the truth of your experience.