Ghosting Your Therapist
It happens. You schedule a therapy session—or a string of them—and then life gets overwhelming. Maybe it’s a sudden stop after a vulnerable session. Or maybe it’s a slow fade; you cancel a few appointments, stop replying to emails, and quietly disappear.
If it’s happened to you: you're not a failure, and you're definitely not alone. And still, it’s worth exploring the reasons, the consequences, and whether it’s the right choice for you.
Why Do People Tend to Ghost Their Therapists?
Therapy got too real. You touched something raw and your nervous system went into self-protect mode. That urge to avoid can be a trauma response.
You felt exposed. Vulnerability hangovers are real. Sharing deeply personal things can bring up shame, doubt, or the desire to run and hide.
Life got in the way. Schedules, stress, and responsibilities pile up. Therapy starts to feel like just one more thing, even if it was helpful.
You weren’t sure it was working. It can feel awkward to say, “I’m not sure this is helping.” So, instead, silence.
Shame took over. You missed one session, then two, and now it feels too late”to return. (By the way: it’s never too late.)
Why Ghosting Isn’t the Best Way to End Therapy
Let’s be honest: ghosting is about avoidance. Avoiding an awkward conversation; avoiding vulnerability; avoiding conflict. Avoidance feels easier in the short-term, yet often makes things harder in the long-term—especially in therapy, where emotional growth comes from moving through discomfort, not around it.
Here’s what ghosting your therapist might lead to:
Missed opportunities for healing. That urge to run? It might be the therapy. Talking through it could be transformational.
Continuing painful patterns. Therapy often brings up long-standing patterns. Ghosting might replicate other painful relationship dynamics (such as abandoning or being abandoned) without resolution.
A loss of closure. Final sessions offer a unique opportunity to consolidate what you’ve learned, celebrate your growth, and plan for the future.
Increased anxiety. Ghosting might bring temporary relief, but long-term, it reinforces the belief that hard conversations are unsafe—which therapy is designed to help you challenge.
Therapists Are Human, Too
Sure, we’re trained professionals. But we’re also humans who invest emotionally in our work. We think about our clients between sessions. I’ve been ghosted before, and I wonder if I missed something important. I wonder how I could have been a better support. Each time I walk through a certain neighbourhood I think of one person in particular; every time I listen to a certain podcast I think of another. I miss them, sometimes I worry about them, and I hope with all of my heart that they’re doing well.
Now, to be clear: it is not your job to manage your therapist’s feelings. And we never want you to stay in therapy out of a feeling of obligation to us, or out of guilt. But just know that therapy is a two-way relationship, and that we care.
So How Do You Leave Therapy (Without Ghosting)?
You don’t have to know exactly what to say. You just have to show up honestly.
Here are some potential conversation starters:
“I’ve been thinking about taking a break. Can we talk about that?”
“I’m not sure therapy is helping right now.”
“I’m finding it hard to come to sessions lately. I’m not sure why.”
“Something came up in our last session that didn’t sit right. Can we talk about it?”
Just opening the door to the conversation is enough. Your therapist is trained to handle these moments with care, curiosity, and non-judgment.
If You Truly Need to End Therapy
Not every therapist is the right fit. Their experience or approach might truly not work for you. Finances shift, your needs evolve, or it’s just not the right time. All of that is valid. But even then, ending therapy intentionally can be a powerful act of self-respect. It helps your therapist, too: whether it’s a referral, a final session, or a debrief, your feedback helps us grow. It helps us serve others better, and gives both of us peace.
…& When Ghosting Makes Sense
I hope that you never experience this, but there may be a situation in which you feel unable to talk to your therapist about leaving. For example - if your therapist has broken your confidentiality & consent agreement, or violated professional boundaries.
If this happens, make sure you aren’t ghosting yourself. By that I mean: don’t abandon your feelings, or avoid the importance of what happened. If you believe your therapist acted in a way that was truly unethical, it is absolutely your right to tell them and/or to make a complaint to their regulatory body. This will depend on the type of therapist you’re working with and where you live. For RCCs practicing in British Columbia, you can file a formal complaint with the BC Association of Clinical Counsellors (BCACC). You can reach them at 1-800-909-6303, extension 223, or visit their website at bcacc.ca/complaints-and-investigations.
What If I’ve Already Ghosted?
Reach out. Seriously. It’s never too late. Most therapists will be relieved to hear from you. You don’t need a dramatic re-entry or a long explanation. A simple message works:
“I ghosted, and I feel a little weird about it, but I’d like to come back.”
“Can we pick up where we left off?”
Therapists expect this. We understand it. And we’ll welcome you back with openness, not criticism. And if it doesn’t feel right to return to your former therapist? That’s okay, too. But consider having a final conversation, or bringing it into your new therapy relationship.
Final Thoughts: You Deserve to Leave Therapy With Integrity
Therapy takes courage. It's not linear, and certainly not perfect. But every time you choose to show up, be honest, or stay with discomfort a little longer, you’re growing.
If you’ve ghosted your therapist, forgive yourself. And if you’re reading this and feeling a nudge to try again, or to leave differently than before—follow that instinct. It matters. You deserve the kind of growth that comes from facing what’s hard, even when part of you wants to run.